Forecast: Showers

Five! Four! Three! Two! Yes, yes, we are counting down the days. No, not necessarily until we arrive back in America, but until the day that we get to shower in our own shower again. You see, we've grown just a tad bit tired of campground showers. In fact, today, Tyler said that he would gladly have taken a shower in the campground's facilities . . . 18 years ago. Yes, the old concrete slab had seen its better days quite some time ago (then again, maybe not). But you gotta do what you gotta do. Speaking of which, if you never have been camping before and have not had the privilege of taking a shower in a campground shower, then let me give you a few pointers. First, if you do not own a pair of flip flops, then make sure that you buy a good pair (or two . . . or three (just in case!)). If necessary, take out a line of credit on your house to buy some flip flops. Trust me, you won’t regret it and your lender will understand. And it may even be a tax write-off. And whatever you do, don’t call them thongs anymore. The meaning of that word has drastically changed in the past few years. Next, if you wear glasses, then do not bring them with you to the shower. No, the concern is not that you’ll loose your glasses, rather, the concern is that you’ll actually be able to see clearly what is in the shower. Third, if while showering you accidentally touch the wall, then rinse and repeat (and use chlorine bleach). If that doesn’t get the germs off, then amputation is always an alternative. (Don’t worry, young children have no idea what amputation means. They think that its that thing that takes you to the hospital. Come to think of it, if you touch the shower wall more than once, then just call an ambulance. The 911 operators will understand.) Fourth, if you happen to drop your bar of soap while in the shower, then leave immediately–the five second rule does not apply to bars of soap dropped in campground showers! Fifth, always make sure that the campground has hot showers. Some campgrounds try to pull a fast one and tell you that they have cold showers. A cold shower is nothing more than a garden hose hooked up to an ice chest (that’s an Esky, for my Aussie friends). So if you would not willingly have an ice chest dumped over your head (winning the Super Bowl is the only known exception to the rule), then don’t fall for the cold shower talk. Sixth, if you actually survive the shower, but drop your toothbrush on the ground on the way out of the stall, then kick it near the trash can and leave immediately. Whatever you do, do not touch the trash can, for it is the dirtiest item on the face of the planet--even dirtier than the shower you just got out of!! Last, but surely not least, if you have a convertible and can find a local car wash, then just go through it instead; it’s a lot safer and you'll be glad you avoided the campground shower altogether.